Review: Kobolds Ate My Baby! The Orange Book (9th Level Games)

During my first visit to the Origins Game Fair many years ago, someone standing nearby suddenly yelled, “All hail King Torg!” at the top of their lungs. I just stood there, stunned. I was still figuring out what happened when a chorus of enthusiastic yelps started echoing up and down the convention center’s main concourse: “All hail King Torg!” “All hail King Torg!” “All hail King Torg!”

I didn’t know who King Torg was, but a lot of very passionate people apparently did.

And after reading Kobolds Ate My Baby! The Orange Book, from 9th Level Games, I’m finally qualified to join the “All hail King Torg!” chorus in a doomed effort to keep my kobold alive — at least for a few more minutes.

Please join me, kobold-player-to-be, for a roleplaying romp through the top five things you need to know about the latest version of the self-proclaimed “original beer and pretzels roleplaying” game, Kobolds Ate My Baby! The Orange Book.

Yes, We’re All Kobolds

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Almost all roleplaying games (RPGs) on the market today offer lots of ancestry options. Humans, elves, halflings, goblins, and so on are all available for your character building needs.

Not so in Kobolds Ate My Baby. Here, we’re all kobolds, but not the vaguely reptilian ones from your favorite fantasy games.

Instead, we’re furry orange kobolds with lots of teeth. But on the bright side, we’re always busy serving King Torg (All hail King Torg!), so there isn’t time to get sad or bored.

Making a Kobold

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Building a character for Kobolds Ate My Baby is easy. That’s a good thing because you’ll do it plenty of times during every game.

Your kobold starts with a job and a flavor, both of which impact gameplay. The kobold’s job represents something they’re (marginally) good at doing, so when you do it, you get to roll two dice and take the higher outcome.

Likewise, a kobold’s flavor (bitter, sour, salty, sweet, spicy, or Umami) gives the character bonuses to various rolls depending on the flavor.

Jobs Give You Stuff

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Whether you use one of the six basic jobs or pull from the list of 36 advanced jobs, your kobold automatically gets to roll for some job-related gear.

Gear ranges from the mundane to the fantastic to the painfully punny. A bard might get a guitar, beret, glitter, or a bathrobe. A court jester might roll an anvil, a kobold puppet, or 1d6 Scrolls of Dance Remix. If your kobold is lucky enough to be a mad scientist, they could bring along a gravity apple, a chemistry set, or 1d6 Scrolls of Blind them with Science.

And whatever you do, be sure to read the gear list for the Knights Who Say Grot. (Honestly, it pays for the whole book right there.)

Six Rolls to Rule Them All

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Kobolds, being somewhat dumb, can only do four types of actions: eat, feet, beat, and meat. And they do all of those actions with a six-sided die — the one and only type of die used in Kobolds Ate My Baby.

If it involves the kobold’s head, it’s “eat” (even if they aren’t eating, which is rare). If it’s moving, running, or anything vaguely athletic, it’s “feet”. In a fight? That’s a “beat” roll. Finally, if your kobold wants to solve a problem, it’s a “meat” roll (as in “use your head”).

The other two rolls are specials. Rolling a 1 for an action involving something you’re good at, it’s an automatic success. Getting a 6 on the die lets you cheat. You automatically succeed, but you also take a Kobold Horrible Death Check.

Horrible Death Checks

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Rather than muck around with hit points and the whole “bloodied” thing, Kobolds Ate My Baby relies on the Kobold Horrible Death Record, which occupies a corner of your character sheet.

Whenever you get hit, fail the roll for an action or a save, do something stupid or dangerous (or both), or simply irk The Mayor (that’s your game master), you mark off one of the skulls in the death record and roll 2d6.

Add the total from the dice to the number of marked-off skulls. If the total is 12 or less, your character is fine. Otherwise, it’s off to the Random Horrible Kobold Death chart for your character!

Verdict

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Kobods Ate My Baby! The Orange Book lives up to its tagline about being a “beer and pretzels roleplaying” game.

This game doesn’t have a serious page anywhere in it. Do no approach this game with visions of grand adventures and years-long heroic quests. This is a game best approached with tongs, bubble wrap, and a dangerous McGuffin in your pocket.

The book gives players everything they need to build (and keep building) kobolds, along with ways to fight, run, eat, and “the like.” The book’s back half focuses on what The Mayor (your GM) should know about creating a game, running it, and killing off player characters right and left.

Highly recommended!