Review: The Goonies: Never Say Die (Funko Games)

We’ve seen lots of companies take the characters from a movie or TV show, slap them haphazardly onto a game framework, and count on fans to buy their creation just because of the name.

Thankfully, The Goonies: Never Say Die from Funko Games is not one of those games. It’s an elegantly designed hybrid of family board game, introductory roleplaying game, and beloved movie tribute.

But enough of that — I don’t want to give away the ending. So let’s take a look at the top five things you need to know about The Goonies board game.

Walking into the Movie

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Everything about this game shows a loving dedication to the movie, its characters and story, and its entire tween-aged adventure.

At the same time, The Goonies is a great example of clever game design work the captures movie magic and brings it to tabletop life. That’s a trick few companies even care to attempt.

A Very Cool Board

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One of the most remarkable things about The Goonies is the design of the game board itself. It’s a work of clever creativity.

The game map shows 16 rooms of the movie’s mysterious cavern complex. None of the rooms are naturally connected nor do they feature any special terrain. Instead, the Goondocks Master (GM) uses various passages and adventure tiles to “build” each adventure’s board as the game progresses.

As the players explore the caverns, the GM adds more tokens to the board, slowly creating the adventure’s map. It perfectly captures the thrill of exploration while keeping the dangers hidden. And the back image is heart-meltingly cute to any fan of the movie.

It’s Roleplaying 101

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Sure, this looks like a board game. But trust me, it’s just a clever ruse.

Once you open the box, dig out the components, gather your friends, and begin playing, The Goonies reveals its true nature, namely a light and engaging introduction to the world of roleplaying games.

The game uses a one-versus-many design. One player becomes the Goondocks Master, while the others take the roles of the Goonies themselves.

The Goondocks Master (or “GM”) reads the adventure information and assembles all the pieces they need behind a screen printed with the movie map. The GM knows every secret of the adventure. They’re the narrator, telling the players what they see and smiling secretly at the perils ahead.

Turning to the Players

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Each player takes a Goonie character card which lists the kids’ health, luck, and abilities. Mouth and Data also get some special power cards — Data’s represent his gadgets, while Mouth’s are his wisecracks.

The cards also show how each character ranks in three key stats: strength, dexterity, and search. Pictures of the game’s colorful custom dice make it easy for players to roll the right die. The more sides on the die, the better the outcomes it delivers.

Finally, the cards explain any unique skills they have. Mikey, for instance, can inspire his friends when he’s a room away from them, plus he knows pirate lore. That gives him extra wish tokens depending on his die rolls. Those tokens let the players upgrade dice and avoid damage as they explore the caves.

Playing the Game

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Game play begins with the GM setting the stage according to the Adventure Guide. They read an introduction and tell the players their starting goal. But since everybody loves plot twists, part of the players’ challenge in the game is figuring out their actual goal for this adventure!

As the players make decisions and explore the caves, the GM refers to the Adventure Guide, placing passage tokens, foes, villains, and special locations. Sometimes there’s a fight, a treasure to find, or bones to search. You never know what might be waiting for you around the next corner.

The game continues until either the Goonie players figure out their mission or the GM fills up the bottom of the hourglass marker.

Verdict

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Playing The Goonies board game is like taking your 12-year-old self for a scary-fun romp through the game’s namesake film.

Each of the game’s nine adventure scenarios sends you to explore mysterious passages, search for treasure, fight off baddies, and generally lose yourself in magical movie memories.

The game also makes a light and easy introduction to basic roleplaying concepts like character abilities, polyhedral dice, and starting an adventure with one goal in mind but discovering that something entirely different awaits your party.

The scenarios are replayable thanks to wandering monsters, the randomness of die rolls, and mixing and matching different Goonie characters, so movie fans and game lovers alike will find good replayability.

Fans will play out their favorite scenes and have tons of opportunities to rattle off memorized quotes at all the appropriate places. We give the game a solid “treasure worth finding” rating.

It’s your time, Goonies. Gather your team, screw up your courage, and stick together. Adventure and treasure await!